- Carol Ann Duffy

I have to remind myself (several times) daily and still find myself often separating what is acceptable to me and what is not. But I’m increasingly aware of the critical moments of choice between experiencing someone or something and my reaction to it. Stephen Covey says, “The key to being proactive is remembering that between stimulus and response there is a space. That space represents our choice – how we will choose to respond to any given situation, person, thought or event.” For example, when someone says something inflammatory or insensitive, it is my habit to lash out and point out the foul, when that very response is critical and alienating, when a third alternative is always available. It may be hard to find, when your child is throwing a tantrum in rebellion to what you want done, or when the object of your affection isn’t as invested as you are, or when people stand on street corners with signs damning whole groups of people different from themselves in some specific way. But there is the opportunity to breathe in between, to come from a place of love, and to see these people not as less than, against you, or wrong, but as complex and forgivable beings,  coming from places we can’t begin to know.

Deepak Chopra said, “Where love is not, there must be laws… We condemn in others what we are afraid to see in ourselves. Blame is the projection of guilt.” We are all going to fuck up. I do all the time. But instead of existing in a cycle of shame and penance, sin and forgiveness, judgment and self-righteousness, just let go and bow out of the worthiness game, because none of us are worthy enough! None of us are going to be perfect, do enough good, or suffer enough to earn the acceptance of our peers or even God’s love. When we just accept the love of others and the boundless, unearned mercy of God, we can stop trying to step over others on our way to RIGHTNESS and just be who we are, each a unique individual, not exactly the same as anyone else, while very much like every other person on Earth.

There are certain things I believe to my core to be true. But I also must allow my mind the flexibility of thought to include the possibilities that are true for others. Endless abilities exist in this universe. How can we assume we know everything or that we’ve seen all that there is to see? How arrogant and narrow would it be to think that in the history of the world and humanity, our small, privileged circumstance has it exactly right, in opposition to all Wrong. Isn’t God more available than that? Hasn’t true, unconditional love been experienced between parents and children, lovers, friends, and soul mates in every culture, in every history? Who are we to deny such expression?

To me, the love that binds us together in intimate, personal ways also connects us all in a web of Presence, beyond our everyday lives and understanding. When we release our judgment of the Other, we can experience the sacred NOW, the forever truth of forgiveness, and the gift of self-awareness. Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” We are unable to see ourselves clearly when our eyes are focused on everyone else and our interpretation of their actions. When you turn your focus inside, do so without criticism, shame, or guilt. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. Be confident in the love that exists for you in every day, that never wavers, that you cannot earn. All you can do is accept it, accept yourself, and accept the equal value of every other person. Either we are all welcome at God’s table, or no one is.

So for Lent this year, I am not letting go of the traditional treat or activity. Instead, I’m going to give up judgement. I know I will still slip up and say hurtful, critical things. I know I will sometimes silently curse what doesn’t fulfill my version of life. I’m sorry. Accept my apologies now and see me as your fellow flawed human being. My heart is not set in stone. I am able to grow and change for the better, with every choice. I believe God has forgiven me before I even fail. I live in a world of love and am going to try to be present to it, with an open mind, a fragile heart, and so much gratitude.

I like beautiful things, so I enjoy clothes, but for myself, I like things that are classic and not too loud or flashy.

- Sofia Coppola

- Sartre

The most true thing I’ve heard in a long time.

What courage it takes to admit that we are each the sum of our parts, the masters of our making, and the creators of our days.   

- Charles Dickens

- Victor Hugo

siempre

- Kafka

- Henry Rollins

this used to be very true.

when i became a mother, all my general anger transformed into concentrated loyalty to my child, and my fuel was no longer to criticize the world, but to demand it change for her.